Feather Light

Glancing through the photographs not too old, but just few years back i am forced to think 'gosh i had 27 waist at one point of time ( i still have that levis pair hanging in my closet in the hope to come bak to tht size some day), and today look at me i need to breathe in to tuck the flab inside to get some decent photographs clicked... I still feel that wieght loss is easier when there is some ulterior motive linked to it like hitting on some dude, getting fit in an old dress, wearing shorts with sexy legs, lastly to get married!! I remember in college days i had to go for a trip to bombay and we had decided to wear some sexy outfits and wanted to flaunt the sexy legs. The drive was so incessant that the target was achieved in flat 30 days with brisk walking alone... and yes yes the photographs were good


Though Size zero is not desired (obviously cannot be acheived!), but yes i want to fulfil the dream of a flat belly....But i know it asks for a sacrifice of giving up chocolates, wicked brownie, coffee, icecreams ohh the list is long but to add on stop midnight snacking! I don't want to try size 'L', it hurts :(

Well i am looking for reason to excite me enough to get back to the rigour to lose weight.. Yes i am asking you to do that for me otherwise don't blame me later on....

On later thoughts, there's just one life... Live to eat :)

Life @jobless.com

Sitting idle at the age of 25 yrs with loads of academic qualifications makes me feel useless, a moron to be precise. Looking back just a few months back when i was loaded with lots of work , deadlines to meet which i thought would never be possible makes me rethink - wow those were the best days of my life. I mean i could do so many things and manage to enjoy as well. But i don't want to go back to those days rather move towards a newer phase of life.

After leaving college, getting over with sisiter's marriage, my boy going away from me, my best pal leaving the country and to top it up , not finding a decent job yet makes life so boring and miserable. I feel like a zoombie who just follows instructions and is thus lifeless. What's even worst i get a strange feeling as if my brain is getting rusted because i am not using it anywhere. You look around and everyone is busy in their own life and have no time to listen to your ranting. I never realized that being unoccupied was this difficult that it makes you feel redundant!

Gosh.. i'm getting desperate for a job now which would give me some feeling of a settled future and thus of some use. I wish to surpass this turmoil without breaking down .......

Hundred Miles........

Distance is surely a difficult thing to handle in relationships. Sometimes u want it as it gives freedom, at other times u hate it because that togetherness is yearned for. Simple things become complex due to it which further add to the kitty of problems /issues and on top of it if you are the typical girl u would want the guy to react to each of them ,which he won't (c'mon either one needs to be sane) !

But if you are lucky enough or have some cool friends and a sister like mine around and you get a chance to be together for some good amount of time, it is a bliss. I never knew what it means to see your partner without bothering about the bloody distance. For me it was almost like a dream which i never wanted to come to an end. There is some great thing called as human touch as scripted in ancient vedas also. Even the biggest of problems can be reasoned out with one reassuring touch (non sexual in nature!) .

There is a difference this time, previously when i saw you leaving me i used to get severe jitters with a heart sinking feeling like i am losing something but this time i was more confident and i know you will come to me..... I'm waiting :) Thanks to the sweet little sister ........

But yes its like once you experience that state of utmost happiness where eveything seems utopian, you ask yourself once 'kya yehi pyar hai' and it scares you because ye dil mange more!!

Marriage errr.. Wedding!!

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Don't know if this is going to be a satirical post exactly but the emotion is that of poignancy. The question of love marriage Vs arrange marraige won't be raised here. We have moved one step beyond by accepting the so called' self made choices' and labelling them with an obsolete term 'love marriage.' Whenever given the luxury (not the right!) to choose a life partner, the follow up process taken by the families coloured with the customs and traditions redefines it. I seriously fail to understand the hierachical ranking between the guy's side and the girl's side, what makes them superior or higher.... I know everyone likes gifts but what sense it makes to buy gifts for people u don't know, moreover if one is so keen to give gifts why not cash?? Simple thing like a wedding ring... they have to wear it their whole life (if you let them!) so why do you want to interfere and decide what would be good for them.... I can bet its not the customs the sanctity of which we have forgotten, but a way to get things done under the cover of "ye humare riwaaz (tradition) hai."

I just pray that this trap does'nt suck me in and others like me. We all seem (atleast we think) to be pretty aware of such things but when our turn comes we continue the legacy by saying "parents ki khushi ke liye kar lete hain!." Lets not provide a fertile land in our minds to such thoughts. All this simply brings me to two points that we don't value our education and we believe in being hypocrites of first order, secondly parents do not believe (or don't want to) that their children have grown up and are soon going to be married, can take decisions on their own.. ek baar bharosa to karke dekho...

Just ask yourself when your sister, cousin, friend was getting married and such things were being followed in the family, did u raise a voice to make them understand. Such kind of an attitude would be attributed as that of rebellion but then one needs to be clear about what we want to continue and pass on to our next generation....

think .. think... think

Guys and communication....

Don't want to make it a gendered discussion rather one out of curiousityand the eagerness to know from others. The context is of a - relationship..Is it true that guys do not prefer to communicate until it is a pressured need. Are they dumb to understand that even a slightest gesture can make the girl bend on knees. What scares them so much or is it the big ego.Why do they don't want any discussions (because they are prolonged always!) Do you feel the same???

Disclaimer: There is no attempt the generalise a comment rather purely a product of stray observations:)

Nahane ke bahane :)

Well i have this wierd habit... shhh (i'm sharing it just to remind u r not the only jerk in this world!!). I remember my mother running after me some years back on a sunday morning to push me into the bathroom as the idea of taking a bath and washing my (then) long hair freaked me out.. neways she also gave up afer trying many things like getting my haircut!!One day while i was doing the usual stuff (taking bath forcibly) in the bathroom, my neighbours who had got this new music sysytem were vehement enough to flaunt it by playing indidpop songs on a full blast.. It got on my nerves -"there is a basic civic sense to live in a society". However, the practice was continued for few days till the other uncleji's got angry and complained.

Suddenly i realized that i had started enjoying the bathing session and i was prompt enough to ask my parents to get a small two in one placed in the bathroom. To this they raised their eyebrows but arranged one with a precaution of volume control.

Once they had gone out somewhere so i had the freedom to take bath at my own terms , i just turned the speaker to full volume and i can't tell you what fun it is to dance with full masti in the bathroom. For those who are laughing at me , please try it once and then tell me.

Yes, now also i wait for that chance to turn the volume to maximum. Well latest favorite is 'dil daance maare -Tashan'. Seriously in MY home i would keep a good music system with a worldspace radio in the bathroom....

P.S: it is quite expected when you are enjoying urself in the bathroom with good music someone would ring the door bell, so make your own arrangements!!

On a high..

Going out for booze parties was routinized when friends (not me...) started working and there was money that could be spent without asking anyone..... Often we would catch up with each other over the weekend with a beer or anything not that expensive! We landed up exploring some cool places which were not so crowded and loud, had a nice ambience and obviously had happy hours. Gradually we became smart enough to land up dot at the happy hours to sit at our favourite table from where we could see who was entering the place and could make fun and laugh at silly things. When the waiter would come for the last round of order during happy hours, we would look at each other and land up ordering more in the greed to get more and pay less. Only two of us, P and me are i would say good drinkers and the third one (D) would just have one tequila shot enough to make her head spinning. However we made it a point to take her along as she would drive us back home safely;official driver you see. It was actually like burning a whole in the pocket but we would make the most of it as it was also the time to know what's going on in each other's life and help out each other....

But my point was when i am spending so much i should feel that high for a longer time and not just few minutes! I wanted to do some stupid things and not remember thereafter. I tried mixing many things, drinking slowly etc etc as adviced (u knw free ki advice tht u get ) but nothing really helped. I was disappointed and kind of not satisfied..

Some months down the line i went to this place in GK with my boy, it was one of those dates when the relationship is quite new at the budding stage. We were in the process of knowing each other so not that comfortable. I took him to the place ( he was cuming to del so i was supposed to decide, god it was funny ... i was so confused!!) . To begin with we just ordered some fish starters and a cocktail. Margarita and adiaquiri just to st the mood or maybe to see each other's capacity. I instantly thought "why is he ordering this, its so light.. cocktails nahhh". Anyways i did'nt say anything and was telling myself 'wait for the second round'. I was just sipping the drink very slowly and we were talking some general stuff. (howz the weather, that friend, delhi traffic and the likes...). It was quite long that we were sitting there so we decided to move out and go to some other place. So it was time to get up, i could feel something was not fine. I tried to not to tell him 'gosh.. i was on a high just after a drink that too cocktail what's wrong with me...'. I delayed the things for some time but then he could sense it. He asked me but without delaying a second i denied. He asked the waiter to get some lemon juice and asked me to have it. Atleast my head was not still spinning any more. w came down the stairs.. I still remember that was the high i had longed for so long .... So i would say its not the alcohol, but the person you are with, your state of mind that takes you on a real time high.. Alcohol is just an artificial catalyst.. Go for real things in life

Believe me!!